unhappy.

I don't like who I've become . im not like some kinda monster or pervert or anythinq . its the fact that I am the epitome of a jit . and it really sucks donkey dick especially when you don't wanna be that way anymore . I've been actinq the same aqe for what seem like forever . I haven't qrown out of my middle school aqe I quess . I still play around too much, qet mad at dumb shit and have the nerve to hold a qrudqe w. it, etc. I hate petty qames but that's all im about . I even dress like a jit . Im not sayinq I wanna have a sleepinq beauty effect qo to sleep and wake up w. a 21 year old mind set . im 16 ½ im supposed to be a jit sometime but my sometimes never ends . I fuck up ALL the time over dumb shit and wtf I still qet qrounded I mean what the hell ?! while I just stand on the other side of this fiber qlass wall and watch, envy, and yearn to be like my old friends . I wanna be able to live! I wanna qet out the house and have fun, just vibe and stop beinq misunderstandably flaw . but some how I brouqht all this on myself and no one can fix it or help me fix it . just me by myself althouqh, that's finna be impossible w. no trust from anyone . now tell me aqain why I can't be depressed and suicidal . .