:(

he was world & i was just another person in his

my heart is breaking into so many pieces putting back Humpty Dumpty was easier to put back together than this . man idkk how much more of this I can take . It's like I take 5 steps forward only to take 20 steps back... I'm dying and just need help but no ones here... I don't know what to do.

I've Decided...

after a lot of crying, weed, & endless amounts of thinking I finally got right . I'm done . simple as that . crying aint finna make shit better & being depressed and wallowing in self pity aint finna help nun . so like I said: I'm done . I will always love him and iPromise to God that'll NEVER change but I gotta move on . We can remain fuck buddies but trust I'll never ask or expect anything more . I'm back to being a pimp & a hoe all at the same time . Ben Franklin is my best friend & my lover . sooo... _*Brianna C. E. is back on her own shit ! Get right, DhATT !






Goals:
-Job
-Car
-House

I am officially on my own ($$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$] <-money longer than ur dick and 1s, 5s, & 10s aint allowed >:P

Fuck_it !

Okay so fuck it . i tried to call him [3, 4 times] texted him too & nothing . he called once but i missed it, i called him back then too & nothin . i wanna actually talk to him for once & love him, apologize but obviously that aint finna happen so just fuck it. i'm finna just go back to where i came from -- no love . no feelings . nothing .
back to the pimpin'; enjoy being my property .

No Subject

i love corey . not in love - just love. although i think i hurt his feelings today when i told him that i aint trust him & i was depressed cuz of him -- it -- both . i really aint mean to hurt him & it never even crossed my mind that it would; which is pretty selfish of myself if i might say so :(
i told him before that it would be hard cuz he's literally exactly like my x and is difficult to go down the same road twice when you've already gotten hurt before . and it didn't help that he's CONSTANTLY textin like it fucking kills me ! i literally just wanna scream, punch him dead in the face, and yell
"WHO THE FUCK RU ALWAYS TEXTING ?! LIKE SERIOUSLY I SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE YOUR TEXTIN BUT I UNDERSTAND YOU GOT FRIENDS -i dont like it, but i understand it- BUT MUST YOU ALWAYS TEXT IN FRONT OF ME ?!
even at 3 in the fucking morning he's texting !!!!!!!!!! and i know for a fact that unless he's gay, niggas dont text niggas constantly at 3am ! and of course his arm is behind my head and i see a text to some female
"so what makes you happy"
why the fuck do you care ?! -sigh maybe im trippin but i cant help it . its not like i wanna be this way i just-- idkk . if i aint care or love him so much it woulda been whatever but its like
im wearing my heart on my sleeve _& idkk how to act or feel .

No $$$

its been a min so i been on . idkk why cuz i been going thru a lot, well at least i feel that way.. i been kinda -- i mean extremely stressed monetary wise . it kills me to be so poor, like im really not used to this and i dont wanna ever get used to this . i -- (exhales) i dont know . i just -- . i know 3 top things i would save up for is a
-Car
-Wii
-House

in that order . i need to be able to get around; i hate waiting on the bus & depending on others for ish - that just aint me #TeamIndependence ! two: i need something to fucking entertain my ADD havin ass . C: i hate having roommates, esp. roommates idkk but idkk who i would live w. cuz i want an extra room for guest but i cant afford two rooms...... i dont think.

[random thought:fuck i need to blow dry my hair #Lazy]

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*thinking* Okay I'm ready, I can do this now. All I have to say is "No". What's so hard about that? Nothing. I'm lying. Everything is hard about that. He's so good to me, I love it.. I love him. He feels so good! But I need to learn self-control. Just say "No". It's not that fact that I'm falling in love with him or possibly will. I don't know. I care too much. I shouldn't /can't about someone like this. We have to stop whatever the fuck it is that we're doing. *sigh* Okay.

*out loud* I'm ready, I can do this now.